I wanted to just Die…. Dig myself a Grave and just lay there.
by Simon Lee | on September 4, 2012
This post is rather my most intimate ever. Only a few months ago my wife of almost 17 years, we started to have our usual (personal quarrels). Anyway emotions got heated and words were thrown around on both parties. Long held emotions, mostly negative was focused on. Without going into too much into my very personal life. I felt like I’d lost a wife:-( , a partner I’ve been with since I started going out in my late teens. I’d lost a partner who I’ve had 5 beautiful children with, and had god knows how many “fights”, tears and tantrums with.
I felt like wanting to Die!
I prepared myself, for the worst. I had to go deep inside of myself. I said, this is it, it’s all over. I can’t make her love me any more. I screwed up too many times in the past, and she just can’t possibly forgive me anymore. It’s time to let it go, start again as painful as it is. I was willing to separate from her. Let her have everything, house, home, the kids, the lot. I’ll start all over again….. as painful as it seems. I was down and depressed – big time.
I wanted to dig myself a grave and just go lay down there.
And I did! In my mind. In my minds eye, I buried myself that day. I wanted to do it for real… but when I thought about the Kids, my recent online milestones in my online business, and the thought of being able to help empower others, so they could live a better life, those thoughts stopped my physical mind. I thought about all the many arguments and fights we had since we were kids really, thinking going through the same old things over and over again. I SURRENDERED!
I surrendered to life, pain, anger, sadness and every other emotions you can think of that day. I got up and said “You Know what?” it’s O.K – I can do this. I’m lovable, I’m worthy, I’m strong. I was reminded of a marketer friend and associate – Mark Call telling me that I’m committed, I Can And Will Do It. And I kept saying to myself, you know what “I Am”, and I Can Go on with life. I can and Will Do It. Period!
Life’s good, I kept telling myself until the pain slowly passed my by. I focused on my blogging, I blogged like I’ve never blogged before, I focused on the teachings from empower network leaders. Focused on the 8 core steps. I marketed myself all over the internet. I think I could have easily gone/slipped back into that dark place if it wasn’t for my connections with empower network and being an associate of theirs. Being empowered to live life.
I just kept on browsing through my various sites, pages, connections and associated circles. I kept on thinking about the positive things, about my success with empower network. I reminded myself of the progress I’ve made after only been with empower the last few months. Those thoughts kept me going! wanting to live! to keep on empowering others not so fortunate as myself. To live, to keep on helping to spread this virus of prosperity that is the wonderful Empower Network and it’s many empowering associates and their vision. A vision for the people to live a life of their dreams. A life of Freedom, not just financial, but personally as well.
And I did it, I dug and crawled myself out of the grave, knowing no matter what happens I’m still committed to life, and to keep on empowering others into my empower network family. A family that is truly living a life of freedom. Living an empowered life.